Itago Mo Ako Sa Iyong Puso

Just want to share this story written by my husband. I found it in his files, and I think it is worth sharing. 

ITAGO MO AKO SA IYONG PUSO
By: Sustines E. Laplana (June 5, 2001)
Published: Diwaliwan Magazine (2003)


Naaalala mo pa ba?

Noong Hunyo 1998 ay pumunta ako sa Cebu City upang mag-review para sa aming licensure examination. Isama sana kita upang huwag kang malayo sa akin. Subali’t kailangan mong maiwan sa Samar, dahil nagturo ka do’n sa isang elementaryang paaralan.

Linggo-linggo ay nagpadala ako ng sulat para sa iyo. Wala tayong naging problema sa simula, hanggang sa panahon na iniwan ko ang aking dating relihiyon, at umanib sa isang relihiyon na sa paniniwala ko ay tama.

Ang pagsasama natin na walang kasal o ang pakikipagtipan sa hindi kapananampalataya, ay pawang labag sa doktrina ng relihiyong ito. Kaya, inakay kita na sundan ako at umanib na rin dito.

Nagalit ka sa akin nang malaman mo ito. Nais mong iiwan ko ang relihiyong ito, at bumalik na sa dati kong pananampalataya. Subali’t hindi ko kayang gawin ang nais mo, sapagkat sumampalataya na ako, na ito na ang relihiyong maghatid sa akin upang ako’y maging ganap na karapatdapat sa pagbabalik ng ating Panginoong Jesucristo, sa araw ng paghuhukom.

Pinauwi mo ako. Opo. Nais ko nang umuwi upang makasama ka. Maraming gabi na akong nagtiis sa pangulila sa iyo. Nais kong madamang muli ang init ng iyong mga yakap at tamis ng iyong mga halik. Nais kong matikmang muli ang hain ng pag-ibig sa piling mo. Subali’t nagmamatigas ako. Hindi ako umuwi dahil natakot ako na baka ang pag-ibig na ito ang maging hadlang sa aking hangarin na maging tunay na kaanib sa relihiyong ito.

Mahal kita. Alam ng Diyos na mahal kita. Pero di ko rin maipagkaila na mahal ko ang Diyos higit sa lahat. At sinampalatayanan ko na, na ang pag-ibig ko sa Kaniya ay maipakita ko lamang sa pamamagitan ng pagsunod sa kaniyang kalooban at mga kautusan.

Setyembre 1998. Tumawag ka sa akin. Umiyak ka. Nakiusap ka sa akin na umuwi na. “Dito sa relihiyong ito ako maghihintay sa’yo,” sagot ko. “Ipakita mo sa akin na mahal mo ako sa pamamagitan ng pag-anib sa relihiyong ito. Please!” Yan ang pakiusap ko sa’yo.

Hindi ka kumibo sa kabilang linya. Wala akong ibang narinig kundi ang mga hikbi mo. “Mahal kita, Ma. Alam mo yan,” sabi ko.

“Kung mahal mo ako, bakit ayaw mong umuwi dito? Bakit ayaw mo nang magpakita sa akin?”Humagulhol ka na. “Kung mahal mo ako, bakit ayaw mo na akong pakinggan? Dahil ba may iba ka nang babae?”

“Hindi sa ganon Ma...” Magpaliwanag sana ako, pero di mo ako pinakinggan.

“Yan ba ang tunay na dahilan kung kaya umanib ka sa relihiyong iyan?” Marami ka pang sinasabi pero... “Ma,” ayaw mo pa rin akong pakinggan.

Alam kong alam mo, na ikaw lamang ang aking minahal. At lalong hindi babae ang dahilan kung bakit ako umanib dito. Kilala mo ako, noon pa. Umanib ako dito dahil sa katotohanang aking natanto ukol sa aking dating relihiyon, at sa katotohanan ukol sa ating kaligtasan. Hindi ba’t noon pa man, ay nais ko nang ihandog ang aking sarili sa paglilingkod sa Diyos bilang isang pari? Hindi ba’t lumaki ako sa loob ng kumbento. Hindi ba’t noon pa ma’y kinahihiligan ko na ang magbasa ng Biblia? Alam kong alam mo yan.

Hindi mo ba naramdaman ang damdamin ko nang panahong iyon? Umiyak ako, dahil ayokong mawala ka. Opo. Umiyak ako... Sa unang pagkakataon, umiyak ako nang dahil sa pag-ibig... Dahil sa pag-ibig na ito... Dahil sa pag-ibig ko sa’yo.

Pero, ayaw mo akong unawain. Ayaw mo akong pakinggan. “Ma, hihintayin kita dito sa loob ng relihiyong ito. Kailan man ay hindi ako hahanap ng iba hihintayin kita.”

Subali’t kahit anong sabihin ko’y balewala sa’yo. Patuloy ka sa pagsasalita nang kung anu-ano. Hindi mo man lamang inisip na ang mga sinasabi mo’y nakakasakit sa akin at nagpapabigat ng aking damdamin.

Kaya, “kung di mo kayang patunayan ang pag-ibig mo sa akin sa pamamagitan ng pag-anib dito,” humagulhol na rin ako. Nanginginig ang aking buong katawan. Nahirapan akong huminga. “...Hindi kita pipigiling maghanap ng iba.”

Masakit man sa aking damdamin ay nasabi ko sa’yo ang mga salitang iyon. Hindi mo dapat marinig iyon! Alam ko hindi dapat pero nasabi ko na.

Nang ibaba ko ang telepono, bigla akong bumagsak sa sahig. Umiyak ako. Opo! Siguro di ka maniniwala. Hindi ka maniwalang umiiyak ako, gaya ngayon habang sinusulat ko ang sulat na ito. Umiiyak ako dahil labis ang pangungulila ko sa’yo lalo na ngayon na hindi na kailan man tayo maaring magkasama pa... Ngayong may asawa ka nang iba.

Mahal pa rin kita. Tatlong na taon nang nakalipas subalit narito ka pa rin sa puso ko. Hanggang ngayon ay ikaw pa rin ang laman ng isip ko. Ikaw pa rin ang nakikita ko. Hinihintay pa rin kita, kahit alam kong imposible nang mangyaring magkabalikan pa tayo. Hinihintay ko ang babaeng hindi na kailan man babalik pa.

Oktubre 1998. Nabalitaan kong mayroon ka nang iba. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ka totoo ang balitang ito, subali’t pinaniwalaan ko ito. Mula noon, hindi naging buo ang mga araw ko kung hindi tutulo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

At sa labis na pagdaramdam ay sinikap kong patayin ang aking sarili. Nakalimutan ko, na ang dahilan ng aking pag-anib sa relihiyong ito ay ang kapurihan ng Ama. Nakalimutan kong marami pang mga taong umaasa sa akin.

Salamat sa Diyos, isang babae ang kinasangkapan niya upang tulungan ako. Inakay niya ako upang tumayo sa aking mga paa, at muling ihakbang ito upang akyatin ang hakdan ng aking buhay. Tinulungan niya akong maging malakas. Minahal niya ako. Sinubukan kong mahalin din siya subalit hindi ko kaya sapagkat ikaw lamang ang laman ng pusong ito.

Pebrero 1999. Nabalitaan kong buntis ka na. Masakit, pero dapat kong tanggapin. Wala na akong ibang magawa kundi ang lumuha, .... ang muling lumuha pa, at iluha ang lahat ng bigat ng aking loob sa Ama.

At kahapon ay naramdaman ko ang kaligayahang noon ko pa hinintay. Hindi ko alam kong bakit ko ito naramdaman. Aang tanging alam ko ay karga ko ang iyong anak... Na yakap-yakap ko siya, si Jufil Jr.

How I wish na si Jufil Jr. ay aking anak. Subali’t hanggang sa wish lamang iyon, sapagkat alam kong siya’y hindi akin, kundi anak ng iyong asawa.

Saan ka man naroon at saan ka man paroroon, nais kong malaman mo na hanggang ngayon ay mahal pa rin kita, at mamahalin ka hanggang sa araw ng aking kamatayan.

Makikisuyo sana ako sayo. Maari bang sabihin mo kay Jhenette, Jufil Jr. at sa mga anak mong darating pa, na minahal ko na rin sila, gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa’yo.

Please, itago mo ako sa iyong puso. At habang binabasa mo ang sulat na ito... Wala na ako. Pagod na pagod na ako, at kailangan ko nang magpahinga. Mahalin mo ang iyong asawa higit pa sa pagmamahal mo sa akin. Ingatan mo ang iyong sarili.

Attending SPPMPC Annual Assembly

Today is the annual assembly of the Sts Peter and Paul Multi-Purpose Cooperative held in the municipal gym.I actually don't want to attend like this considering my health but I need to do do it because I want to receive something as incentives to members who will attend such activities.

Early this morning, I went to the venue of activities to register. So I need to stand for a while in a queue during this warm morning. This initial activity actually makes me feel bored and tired.

Yes, I am tired. I think, it is because my hemoglobin level is too low again. You see, I failed to follow the instruction of my doctor. I was told to take three immunosuppressants (HCQS, Prednisone and MyCept) but I could only afford to buy two of them (HCQS and Prednisone). And I was also told to take these immunosuppressants one tablet each three times a day, but I only take one tablet once a day. To raise my hemoglobin level, my doctor told me to take a certain injection once a week, but I couldn't because I couldn't afford to buy such injection.

Actually, I don't have sponsors anymore since the month of March. So, I don't have any option but to focus all my trust to God. If God permits that even without meds I can survive this illness, then that will be a great miracle to happen. God's miracle in my life is my only hope.

 

Lupus, Ice and Water

This post has nothing to do with my illness, Lupus. I just want to compile information that I learn after doing an information-search about making Ice Cream.

Why am I doing a research about making Ice Cream?

Well, I already had told you that my family is currently struggling to survive. We already had spent a lot of money for my therapy. I already took loans and am already at the point that I couldn't take another loan account because my net pay is already too low to have another loan account.

So, my husband decided that he should find a job for us, and this is the only way. But, he doesn't want to abandon his offices in the Church of Christ (Iglesia Ni Cristo) and for him, have a job, as if he is an employee might force him to abandon his Church offices and responsibilities. And then he suggested that it would be better if he will open a small business, instead... like doing a habal-habal (motorcycle taxi) services or selling own-made ice cream (sorbetes style).

And as part of the start of the business, he did a research about Ice Cream making. And part of the procedure is the use of ice and salt.

So, I wondered: "why use the salt to the ice?" These are the result of my little research:

1. What's the effect of salt to the ice? Salt lowers the freezing temperature of the water. If the temperature of the ice is 30 degree Fahrenheit (for example), after adding salt, the freezing temperature will be come 29-down degree Fahrenheit. With the salt added to the ice, the salt after in contact with the liquid surface of the ice will melt first (dissolves) and make the liquid salty. Salted liquid film of the ice because its freezing point has been lowered already, causes the ice to melt down causing to have more liquid that also causes more salt to dissolve... the effect goes on and on, until all ice in a container or in an area melt. So, this is the reason why in the snowy places, they apply salt into the snow or ice to melt them down faster. This is also the reason why making artificial rain uses salt as part of the procedure.
2. How does we compare the melting ice without salt and melting ice with salt? The ice without the salt melts because the air around it is warmer. The ice tends to absorb the warmth around it that causes it to melt. However, ice with salt melts faster that the ice without salt not because of the warmth around it but because its freezing temperature has been lowered down by the salt.
3. What's the point of using salt in making Ice Cream? Salt lowers the freezing point of the water, right? So, the ice with salt will be much colder than the ones without ice, thus causing the ice cream to hardened faster. So, the water with salt needs more time to freeze compared to the liquid without salt. So, if you put a bag of water without ice into the cold water with salt, the water with salt remains liquid but the water without salt inside the bag freezes fast.

Voclosporin for Lupus Nephritis Patient Like Me

In my two years after being diagnosed of Lupus Nephritis, the immunosuppressant drugs given to me are Predisone, Mythel Prednisolone, Hydro Cortisone, Hydroxycloroquine Sulfate, Mycophenololate Mofetil and Cyclophosphamide. I can say that they are all effective based on the medical program administered by our Doctors.

Just today, while reading the news, I found a new drug, an immunosuppressant drug which is effective in treating Lupus Nephritis patients. And this is the Voclosporin.

Voclosporin of Aurinia Pharmaceuticals  is a calcineurin inhibator.

Calcineurin, on the other hand, according to the Wikipedia is "a calcium and calmodulin dependent serine/threonine protein phosphatase (also known as protein phosphatase 3, and calcium-dependent serine-threonine phosphatase). It activates the T cells of the immune system and can be blocked by drugs." In other words, it is an enzymes that activates the T cells of the immune system which then signals the the nearby cells to activates them in order to attack the invaders. The activation of cells as a way to attack invaders is called inflammation.

So, Voclosporin when taken by a Lupus patient, combines with the Calcineurin that will cause to the change in structure of calcineurin. The structurally changed calcineurin will not be detected by the T cells thus T cells will not activate and there will be no inflammation to happen. 

According to a news article about Voclosporin, "70 percent achieved partial remission after 24 weeks of treatment and 33 percent achieved complete remission. After 48 weeks, 49 percent of patients on voclosporin, 23.7 mg twice a day, achieved complete remission, compared to 24 percent of those given a placebo. "

 

Claim Your Free PhP50.00 (Philippine Peso)

Who among you want a free PhP50.00? I am giving away this amount for free.

I'm giving you free P50 starting bonus on RaketDito, a place where you can earn in many ways using only a Cellphone or Computer. No registration fee or investment. Absolutely FREE!

1. Passive Income - Mining Cryptocurrency
2. Active Income - Answer quick Surveys
3. Bonus - Play a Game

All in one place!

Use this link to Claim your P50 once you signup for FREE here >>> Free 50 Pesos

Lupus Blogs Hopping

There are times that I couldn't sleep immediately at night because my brain is reminiscing those days when all those who cared for me and have great concern of me visited me, texted me, and called me up just to let me know that they're there ready to support me.

Then after that, I just make use of the time by blog hopping to the blogs maintained by Lupus Fighters around the world. I actually enjoyed this activity... reading their thoughts on their experiences being part of the Lupus community. And I just realized that there lots of them blogging like me.

Toni Braxton, Finished a Tour

Toni Michelle Braxton who is a singer and songwriter and seven-time Grammy winner successfully finished her "As Long As I Live" tour even if she's suffering from Lupus symptoms. She called her illness , the "Stupid Lupus." (news report)

In 2010, Ms Braxton revealed for the first time in an interview that she's suffering the symptoms of SLE or Lupus. She told her audience how she struggled with the disease especially during its flare-up like what happened in 2012 and 2016. (source)